Gifts and Curses
by Minuit Chanson17
Summary: [songfic, has SPOILERS] While in Central, Ed reflects on his past the good, the bad, and for the one he cares for most...but as he does, an unexpected event happens...EdxWin, Gifts and Curses by Yellowcard.


yup, my first FMA songfic story…

This is story is better if you read it with the song "Gifts and Curses" by Yellowcard. When I first heard it, in my opinion, I think it really matched Ed in his point of view, so listen to the song and it really matches Ed. There are SPOILERS in this story, A LOT of SPOILERS so if you haven't finished the movie or the series, I suggest you don't read this.

I kind of mixed in "Everlasting" somewhere in the middle, but it's only the chorus ending part, so yeah, there's not a whole lot of it in there. The translation is in parentheses right under the Japanese part.

Another thing…

Disclaimer: I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist because it's Hiromu Arakawa's work or the song "Gifts and Curses" because it' Yellowcard's song, and the song "Everlasting" because BoA sang it!

--

_Memories belong,_

_To the words of a song,_

_I try to be strong for her,_

_Try not to be wrong for her,_

Ed looked out the window of Central Headquarters. He got called back. Again. He stayed as a military dog, having no choice; this was his only way of earning a living and getting paid. But he hated it. Being called to HQ constantly, because of a certain someone…

_She will not wait for me, anymore_

_anymore,_

_Why did I say all those things before_

_I was sure…_

It was hard for Ed to just leave her, alone in Resembool. Well, Al was there with her, but he caused her the most pain. Hardly writing to her for those 5 desolate years of trying to get Al's body back, and then disappearing for 2 years, showing up again for what, 5 minutes, and then disappearing again with Al this time. And now he was back in Amestris, his home, but again, leaving home most of the time. He hadn't been in Resembool for 3 months now, and he knows that she's mad. If he kept up any longer, he feared that she won't wait for him anymore.

_(She is the one)_

_But I have a purpose,_

_(She is the one)_

_And I have to fight this,_

_(She is the one)_

_The villain I can't knock down…_

Ever since he was eight, Ed had liked her. Just a simple little crush, really, but he never knew that it could hurt so much. When he left for the Philosopher's Stone, he denied the fact that he did like her, and instead put his own priorities first. That was the only way he got stronger, against the homunculi, Dante, Eckhart…but he was about to give up. That's why he pushed all his feelings aside to keep fighting.

_I see your face _

_With every push I take,_

_And every bone I break_

_It's all for you…_

Ed gave out a little laugh as he remembered a little about the past. He remembered one certain incident…

"_You idiot! How can you break my precious automail again!?"_

"_You know what I do is dangerous, so don't go getting all mad at me!"_

"_Don't give me that crap again! I know, but why do you have to be so reckless!?"_

_Ed stared at Winry. "Whaddya mean?" he asked, but his tone got lower._

_When she looked up, it shocked Ed, for there were tears welling up in her eyes. "What I mean is that, whenever you and Al come to visit, you're always here for just repairs! I'm not just some ordinary mechanic, y'know! I do wonder why and how you broke it, but you never tell me anything! Sometimes I wonder if you'll ever visit without repairs and stay for awhile like any one else!"_

_Ed looked at her, and blurted out, "You idiot! I broke it to see you!"_

Ed still remembers that day; his last visit with her before he disappeared for two years. He did, intentionally (and somewhat irrationally) break his automail just to see her one last time before the military caught up with him, or facing Dante and the rest of the homunculi. But even though it was his last visit, why couldn't he still say it to her?

_And my worst pains_

_Are words I cannot say_

_Still I will always_

_Fight on for you…_

Why? Why couldn't he then? He should've had just gotten it over with then. That's what he hated about himself. He was so anti-social at times and then stubborn the next. Damn, why was he like this? …Because he wouldn't have had fought Dante and the rest like he could before he told her. He would've been constantly worrying and not knowing what he was doing. At the age of eighteen, he already regretted what he had done. Dammit it all, why did he do what he did eight years before?

_Memories alive_

_In the bright New York Sky,_

_The city lights shine for her,_

_Above them I cry for her,_

He had to get out of the stuffy room he was in. So he put on his coat, ignored Roy's insults and remarks, and got out into Central City's bustling area.

It was nightfall already, but he didn't care. As he walked, a snowflake fell upon the ground. Followed by more white-frosting colored things falling from the sky. Ed looked up; damn, just his night, it was snowing. He hated the snow; brought too many memories he didn't want to remember about her. Her warm smile on Christmas when it was the year in Resembool for the rare snowfall to come; when they were kids and she would come over to his house with the doll Ed and Al made for her fifth birthday; and of that one day at nine years old when he was _forced_ to kiss her (on the cheek of course) because he didn't notice (actually they both didn't notice) that there was a mistletoe above them.

Ed looked up to see snowflakes coming to land on his face. They landed gracefully on him, and when he put his head straight again, the snowflakes melted against his warm skin, making it look like as if he had shed tears. No, he didn't; not physically, anyway…

_Everything's small on the ground below, down below,_

_What if I fall,_

_Then where would I go_

_Would she know…_

What if he really did stay dead that day against Dante and the homunculi? What if Al just stayed in his body and didn't save him? Ed wondered these unanswered questions, swirling in his head just like the snowflakes around him.

He gave out a small laugh. _How idiotic,_ he thought. _Sulking in the past, what's done is done, I can't change anything anymore, no matter how much I regret it all._ He sighed. He told that to himself all the time, but he still wondered those questions. Would everyone had known that he was dead at that time? Most importantly, would she have known? He knew she would call him an idiot again, for dying, but he never told her that he did die once. She would either be furiously mad, or burst into unstoppable tears. And he couldn't bear to see that.

_(She is the one)_

_All that I wanted,_

_(She is the one)_

_And I will be haunted,_

_(She is the one)_

_This gift is my curse for now…_

He loved her. Just plain out like that. But he couldn't say it. Anyone he got too close to always ended up getting hurt; his mother's death, Al and losing his body, Roy and the cost of his left eye, Nina and Alexander, Maes Hughes, and of course, her. He never wants to ever get close to anyone ever again. His past reminds him of those painful memories, and all of them involved his doing in it. Why? Because of his gift and education in alchemy, because of his selfishness, because he was a dog of the military. Damn alchemy, damn prodigy mind, damn his own selfishness…all of it, a curse to his life and to others. Ed, a walking gift and curse.

_I see your face _

_With every push I take,_

_And every bone I break,_

_It's all for you,_

He walked along the streets of Central, no where in particular. He remembered the destruction of that day the parallel world entered his. Some buildings destroyed at the time were still unrepaired here in Central; they stood there, like burning memories staring back at Ed as he looked at them after all those months. He remembered he came and saw her again; but like all the previous times, he got repairs again and hurried to leave and practically get himself killed. Before he left to other world, he saw her face, looking up at him on the strange craft from the other world, with the sad eyes he didn't want to see the most.

When Al mentioned her just before he left, he was so hesitant; so undecided his words were. He should have said something better, more grateful for everything she had done. He did say to Al to say thanks to her for him, but it wasn't enough. He was going to say…say that he loved her…but he couldn't then, not just then.

_And my worst pains _

_Are words I cannot say_

_Still I will always_

_Fight on for you,_

As he walked along, he saw two people run excitedly past him. He wondered why, for there wasn't much excitement at Central at night, especially in the winter time.

"C'mon, she's singing right now! We're gonna miss it!"

_Huh, a concert, hm_? he wondered. He did hear of a singer that recently started performing in Central, it was the talk around Roy's office at one time. He never knew the singer's name; it was odd, Ed's military subordinates always cut their sentence whenever they almost mention the name. He never really cared though; it was of no value to him.

_(instrumental part for 2 minutes in the song)_

As he walked on towards the same direction of those two people, he heard music. Beautiful music of the singer. Her voice was wonderful; it was clear to his ears. If only he understood what she was saying, he probably would've understood it more. She was singing a Japanese song, but he didn't know of anyone who sang Japanese.

He was about to turn and go back to HQ, but he felt uneasy for some reason. Curiosity, perhaps? He started to walk towards the music and melodious voice of the woman.

_Kono sayonara ga, tabidachi naraba,_

_Boku no egao wo, zenbu ageru yo,_

_Deatta koto mo, aruita machi mo,_

_Futari no mune de, iki tsudzukeruno…_

_Zutto, zutto, wasurenai,_

_tobira ikutsu aketemo,_

_Donna ni tooku hanaretemo,_

_Tsunaide te to te, _

_hanare wa shinai…_

_(If this farewell is the beginning of a journey,_

_I'll smile as much as I can for you,_

_Even the fact that we met and the streets we've walked,_

_will remain in our hearts._

_I'll never, ever forget,_

_Even if I open countless doors,_

_It doesn't matter how far apart we are,_

_Our locked hands,_

_will never separate.) _

The melody was so sad, though he couldn't understand everything. It was the end of the song, as she stood there, with her head down. She was wearing a white sleeveless summer dress. It was cut in a zig-zag design at the end of the dress, going up and down. It was knee length, much too cold to wear during the winter. _Huh, summer of all seasons,_ _how ironic_, he thought. That's when he noticed something. She clutched something in her hand, something silver and shiny…and that's when he also noticed he hadn't look at the singer's face.

Damn, no, it can't be…

It was. It was _her._ In her familiar summer dress he now recognized. It was his…state alchemist watch she was holding. He looked in his pockets. The little sly person. She took it from him when he wasn't looking. Stupid equivalency matched up in all this.

He suddenly realized he didn't want to be seen by her. He started to shuffle through the crowd, trying as fast as he can to get out of the area before she can see him. He looked back to see what she was doing.

And then, she looked up, locking eyes with him. The same eyes she had when he parted from this world to the other world all those months ago.

No, he had to get out of there. He can't have her chasing him. He didn't want to see her in this condition…not yet, and not now. He was afraid, to hurt her, to himself, afraid of the answer to hear in his ears. It was too dangerous, why couldn't she just stay at home? Why, why?

_I see your face_

_with every push I take,_

_and every bone I break_

_it's all for you,_

He heard footsteps behind him. _The crowd, it must be the crowd_, he thought, trying to deny who the footsteps really belonged to.

He ran faster, with every footstep he took. He didn't want to see her, he wasn't ready yet. It hurt, hurt so much, that it rang in his ears. Who knew love could ever hurt so much? Why, why did he fall in love, why he, the all-so-cold-foul-mouthed-state-alchemist of all people? Denying it all those years just made it worse. It just made him think of her more, worry more.

Suddenly, he found himself tripping and falling onto the cold ground. A sharp pain inflicted the back of his head, and as he looked to the side, the familiar grey metal wrench lay next to him. Along came a pair of white shoes right next to him...

_And my worst pains_

_Are words I cannot say,_

_Still I will always_

_Fight on for you,_

He slowly sat up, head down, unable to look at the face that was so familiar, so loving and kind…

"Edward."

Her voice broke the silence through the winter night. He couldn't look up, after all these years of holding it in, he still couldn't face it…

"Edward, look at me."

He sighed, and slowly looked up at the face he had loved for all those years. He expected her to be mad, tearful, but instead, her expression was unreadable. It was just a straight expression, staring down at him.

_Fight on for you,_

She knelt down right in front of him, for he was still on the ground, sitting with his knees up. She gently touched his cheek with her warm hand, and spoke.

"Why did you run away? Please…please answer me…"

At this point, her eyes filled with tears, the same painful expression yet again from when he left Amestris to the other world.

He said nothing, just looked down with regretful eyes towards the ground. He touched her hand with his flesh hand, put her hand down, and pulled her into an embrace.

"I think you already know the answer, Win."

She sat there, in his arms, suddenly forgetting the cold winter world around them. She never realized how cold she was until she was in his embrace. She returned it back, and put her forehead against his and looked up at him.

"I've been waiting to hear you say that for all these years, Ed."

_Fight on for you…_

_--_

_A/N/: my very, very first Fma story and my first songfic overall! I kind of got a writer's block for this for awhile, but I finally finished it! _

_I hope you get the ending correctly. I'm not sure if the last line she says is clear enough for everyone to understand, but basically, they confess, if it wasn't clear enough._

_Yes, I am making a companion piece to this. This time it will be the song "Everlasting," and if you guessed right, it will be Winry's side of the story of everything, instead of Ed. She will be singing the song, just like she did in this story. _

_I hope everyone enjoyed this story, though I'm not sure if the ending is very satisfying to me. I couldn't think of anything else, so yeah, I hope you liked the ending! I extended it longer than I had intended it to, so if you read it with the song, the song would end before the story does. _

_Ha, I'm doing this while doing my homework. I had inspiration suddenly, and I'm just rambling on! hehe, hope you enjoyed! R&R please! _


End file.
